Slim Pickens here... Been away from the stove for a while, but we're gonna cook up sumpin good fer y'all right now! Politics is weird, know what I'm sayin'? Things go up, and then they go down. People you never thought would be able to agree on anything end up pullin' together to destroy common enemies. Weirder still, the media thinks it can decide who is gonna be the next Bush... I mean president. Heck, I didn't know that they sent ballots to corporations, but I guess I missed that episode. So, anyways, like I was sayin', the media - the Fourth Estate, that is - thinks it can pick the next prez for us. Lately, they all been bashing Obama pretty fierce, putting words in his mouth, spinnin' around like whirlin' dervishes or sumpin'. None other than William Kristol himself has stepped up to the plate to decry Obama's remarks of April 6th in an op-ed piece for the NY Times entitled "The Mask Slips". Kristol- that clever boy - thinks that under Obama's mask of centrist democrat is the living soul of Karl Marx. Ain't that sumpin? We still got commies in our midst. That McCarthy feller must be spinnin' in his grave. And ya know who agrees with Mr. Kristol-ball? McNasty's buddy Joe, that's who. Just think - if'n Gore had gotten elected all those years ago, that turncoat Joe woulda been VP, and maybe president. And look at him now - he's wrangling to be McNasty's running mate now, but we know Condi's got the inside track on that. She represents continuity. She'll smooth over the transition from one incompetent administration to the next incompetent administration. Be a shame if McNasty couldn't out-Bush Bush, if ya know what I mean.
Anyway, speaking of McNasty, Arianna says McNasty should go on a holiday, cuz Billary's been doin' his job for him. Ain't that the truth! That tag team is gettin' hot! Y'know, deep down Hillary's still a Goldwater Girl at heart. Just what this country needs, if'n we can't elect McNasty.
Just think what kinds of awful stuff might happen if Obama gets elected. Black folks would be visiting the White House on a regular basis. Ice Cube would become ambassador to France. Why, Obama might even investigate BushCo., and we can't have none o' that! Heck, that'd ruin everythin'! Sure would make Pelosi and Reid unhappy, since they've got a gentleman's agreement not to do anything to BushCo., or Karl Rove will-a be doin' sumpin' to 'em - you ever see that movie "Deliverance"? Tell you what... you start investigatin' things and Lord knows what might turn up. Heck, you might find out that the whole Iraq WMD thing was bogus, or that Saddam had nothin' ter do with 9/11, or that J. Edgar Hoover was a queer. I don't think the American people, good and wholesome as they are, are ready fer anythin' like that, no sir. So, y'all go out there and vote for McCain or Hillary; they'll keep things nice and quiet and we can all go about our business, like usual.
C'mon, 'fess up. You know Obama can't win, even if former Friends of Bill like Richardson or Reich start siding with Obama. This thing was over before it started.
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